Peach the Destroyer: Issue 048

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Umm…so yeah. I'm gonna say this: this arc is getting really dark for me. When I finish writing just about any of Claudius' dialogue, I take a step back, re-read it and think to myself "wow. What twisted little corner of my brain did this all flow out of?"

Hey, the other big deal with this comic is that this is the first time I managed to get the color to work! This entire arc, Claudius was supposed to have red eyes, but for some reason I could never get it to work when I'd get the web-ready version set up. This week, because the color was so important (due to…y'know, magic), I made sure it stuck.

Anyway…onwards to comic book reviews! And spoilers. Lots of spoilers.

• Green Arrow #7
• The Solicit: Green Arrow's gone looking for trouble, and he's found it--in triplicate! Three women who give new meaning to the term "drop dead gorgeous" have our hero outnumbered and outgunned. Collectively, they're called "Skylark," and they've been sent on a secret mission with Oliver Queen as its focus!
• Okay, I may have been biased against Ann Nocenti, the new writer for Green Arrow, ever since she made a few references to Ollie being 24 years old (can we say "massive continuity issues with Red Hood and the Outlaws," anyone?), but page 1 automatically threw me when Oliver Queen started a one-man pity party with dialogue like "I hate my life. Split in two, neither half free." This is dialogue I'd expect to hear out of Superboy "I'll kill you to death" Prime, not billionaire playboy Oliver Queen.
• Also, I'm not a fan of the artist. I know, in two bullet points I've just ragged on the two main points of the new creative team. It's not that Harvey Tolibao's bad, I just don't think he's suited for this book. Put him on something like Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E. or…heck, I'd be willing to try him out on a few issues of Swamp Thing (but just a few issues…I love what Yanick Paquette's doing too much to replace him full-time), but…I'm not too fond of how he's drawing Green Arrow (although, credit where credit is due, I did like his design work on Ollie's trick arrows…they actually come off as realistic and practical).
• Ollie meets Skylark (one name, three women…this could be a pronoun's nightmare) and they attack him to audition for a job. See, they're crazy for him and made a whole slew of new tech and want him to come to their Canadian lab to check it out. I'm pretty sure I've seen Craigslist ads that were less sketchy, but this is the same comic that started things off with "the Jersey Shore of supervillains," so I guess anything's fair game now.
• Okay, I take back some of my complaints about Tolibao. It seems like once he got that first splash page out of his system, his art started to tone down and even out. By about page 5 or 6 my nerd rage started mellowing out on the art.
• Well, I have good news: I finished the comic without wanting to set it ablaze (I'll leave that, as always, to Linkara, thank you). It's really weird, but I swear you can see this comic improving by the page. While I still have some slight issues with the new creative team, I'm interested to see if they can continue this upward trend.
• Swamp Thing #7
• The Solicit: Moss fills lungs. Leaves scrape across skin and wood against bone. A Swamp Thing is rising in The Green's hour of darkest need, but is Alec Holland a part of it or is he just bleeding out in a ditch? And as Alec falls, a horrible champion is taking the throne of the Bone Kingdom at Sethe's right hand!
• Okay, first off: dat cover. Seriously. I love everything about it. That looks like Swamp Thing is slowly replacing the chlorophyll in his blood with acid. And I love it.
• DC, you're killing me with putting ads on every other page here. Swamp Thing is a book all about having triply, crazy, 2-page spreads and you're harshing my mellow, man.
• Alec "Swamp Thing" Holland is dying, but is protected by the Parliament of Trees. Not that they're going to turn him into Swamp Thing or anything, no, they're dying too and want to make him suffer.
• Ultimately, through some powerhouse speechifying, Alec swamps out (I don't like it, but it's certainty a better alternative to "Alec things out") and I love it. After nearly seven issues, we finally get our titular character back! There's a solid page of build-up highlighting Alec's transformation, the entire time making you think "all right! I'm gonna turn the page and there's gonna be, like, a full-page image of Swamp Thing roaring back to life and it'll be awesome…" then you turn the page and it's a close-up of Swamp Thing's eye. And I love that. It's simple, but effective.
• For someone who's been waiting for Swamp Thing to show up in his own book, I could complain that this issue felt like a tease for next month's issue (Swampy ends the issue with "and now, Rot…I will show you war"), but this issue felt extremely satisfying.
• Justice League International #7
• The Solicit: With the Signal Men defeated and Earth saved from certain annihilation, the members of Justice League International expected to bask in glory and appreciation. Such is not the case as a new threat far more dangerous than anyone dared suspect emerges and attacks with dire results!
• Okay, that entire solicit is just lazy writing. I could've written this same solicit for DC last month without any knowledge of what's in this issue. I know because I still haven't read this issue yet and I already knew all of this.
• Things start out rough as the JLI deal with the aftermath of…y'know, exploding last month. Guy Gardner's Green Lantern ring and Booster Gold's forcefield protected them, but everyone else is in rough shape. Batman shows up ("watching from a rooftop across the street." Yeah, just admit it, Bruce. You wanna be on the team) to help Booster with rescue detail.
• A member of the JLI dies. It made me angry. Because I'm a nice guy, that's all I'm going to say about that because I want you to have your own little nerd rage moment(s) when you read this issue.
• I think Godiva puts things in perspective best: "A bomb? A simple freaking bomb? This isn't supposed to happen to people like us! We protect people!"
• I finally get confirmation that Skeets is still around in the DCnU. He's reduced to a wrist communicator, but hey, it's Skeets, everyone!
• This was a…deeply serious and somber issue. I knew some additions were being made to the roster, but I didn't know it was going to be at the cost of previously-established characters. Don't get me wrong, it's a good issue, just…know what you're getting into before you start.
• Stormwatch #7
• The Solicit: They've come to steal Earth's gravity! When a scientific experiment tears a hole in the barrier between dimensions, gravity miners from a forbidden universe invade our world. Can Stormwatch find a way to repel alien excavators?
• Seriously, it's 2012 and I just read a solicit that begins with "they've come to steal Earth's gravity!" How awesome is that?!
• This was a great issue, dealing with the messed-up parallel-dimension monsters of Chernobyl, which is the single greatest sentence I get to type today.
• Supurbia #1 (of 4)
• The Solicit: What goes down when the capes come off? Meet the Real Housewives of Earth's greatest super-team, the Meta Legion! It's the egos, the tantrums, and the betrayals of the super set. Find out what happens behind the masks as superhero families are faced with the sordid problems of everyday life - and then some! From rising star writer Grace Randolph (Marvel's Nation X, Her-oes) and hot new artist Russell Dauterman, this series takes the familiar super-team and turns it on its head with a scandalous, TMZ-fueled look at what it's like to live with a superhero!
• Oh, this is a silly parody of the Justice League. I'll say this: it's a good book, but I'm glad it's a miniseries since I'm afraid the jokes would wear thin if it had been turned into an ill-advised ongoing title.
• Lone Ranger #3
• The Solicit: The "Hard Country" arc continues with its first multi-issue story. The Lone Ranger is pitted against a new enemy who hides behind the symbol Lone Ranger holds most dear: a Marshal's badge. Tasked by a federal agent to stop a murderous gang of train robbers, Lone Ranger and Tonto find themselves ambushed and betrayed. The hard country that is the old west just got harder for its two greatest heroes.
• If you hate this book, you hate America. There. I said it.
• Captain Victory #4
• The Solicit: When Captain Victory brings a mysterious wounded woman on board the Dreadnaught Tiger, it's up to the mysterious amphibious Orca to discover just what happened to her! As he trawls through black waters of the planet Dok searching for clues, however, Orca's memories begin to surface. Will his past catch up to him just in time to drag him down? Or will Victory lose another crew member in a tragic accident?
• As good as this issue was (note: very), what with its introduction to the Kirby: Genesis analogue to Aquaman 'n all, I'm looking forward to next month's issue where, as this issue teases, "shadow people get hurt. A lot."
• Toy Story # 1 (of 4)
• The Solicit: All-New Four Issue Mini Series! New Adventures Featuring Woody, Buzz Lightyear And More! Andy's New Puppy, Buster, Loves To Play With The Toys - But If Woody, Buzz And The Gang Can't Control The Playful Pooch, All That Chewing And Shaking Will Damage Them For Sure!
• I wanted to love this comic because…dude, Toy Story. And it's not bad, but some of the dialogue's a little off. And I do mean a little; usually it comes down to a word or two in a line that makes it feel less like a Toy Story comic and more like illustrated Toy Story fan fiction. This book is almost there and that deserves a look, but hopefully things will improve in issue 2.
• Action Comics #7
• The Solicit: Metropolis has been captured! To save it, Superman must push the limits of his nascent powers as never before! Aboard the ship that has the city captive, The Man of Steel finds an important tool that may help him defeat Metal-zero and his boss!And as Superman fights foes in the sky, Steel must do what he can to protect those still in danger on the ground in a backup story by Sholly Fisch and Brad Walker!
• First thing's first: a long overdue welcome back to Action Comics artist Rags Morales! You were very (very) sorely missed!
• After two issues of…something that wasn't the main plot, we finally get back to our young Superman who's…wait, what's that, Clark? "…I can still see the alien spaceship with my zoom vision." Really, Clark? That's what you're going with? Zoom vision? Not super-vision or telescopic vision or…anything that sounds more dignified than "zoom vision?" Even General Lane thinks that's lame…and I never thought I'd actually side with General Lane (in my defense, the man did voice Darkseid, so I have every reason in the world not to trust him)
• Umm…Clark literally runs up to the spaceship. I like that the soles of his boots rip (ten seasons of Smallville and we never got a shoe rip!) and that he had the foresight to have an oxygen tank, but…no suit? Of any kind? Your arms are friggin' BARE in SPACE. How did that sound like a good idea?
• We get to hear Brainiac exposit about his origins. He moves from planet to planet amassing knowledge. On Krypton he was called Brainiac 1.0 and on Earth…he's known as the Internet. Think about that for a second…what percentage of Brainiac is now made up of cat pictures?
• Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I guess Clark done got his super-suit…oh, it also looks like he gonna be fighting Brainiac next month.
• We also get a nice, human-interest-style backup story as Steel tries to fight the good fight on Earth as Superman yells at Brainiac.

Well, that's (finally) all for this week. I'll see you next week as we start barreling towards the conclusion of my first year of webcomics!