Peach the Destroyer: Issue 051

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Good morning, Destroyer fans!

So with this comic, Peach the Destroyer is a whole year old (if you’re wondering why this happened on comic #51 and not comic #52, it’s because I skipped the numbering on the Thanksgiving comic). Because of this momentous occasion, I think two things are in order:

1. We need to cue up some victory music (apologies to Linkara, I’m stealing this bit from him...it’s okay, though. My wife’s convinced he and I are the same person).
2. I’d like to take a look back on the year that was and discuss what worked, what didn’t work, and what the future holds for Peach the Destroyer.

• One of the biggest mistakes I think I made with this comic was the rotating art style idea. Basically what this turned into was everyone looking kinda wonky for a few comics while I adjusted to the re-design. There will be another re-design when the comic comes back, but that should do it for a nice, long while.
• Another shortcoming this comic has had basically amounts to laziness on my part. When I started the comic, I think I had the first two week’s comics drawn and, going from week-to-week I don’t think I was ever more than one week ahead. This evolved into a weird experiment of spontaneous storytelling on my part. Basically stories would start with one comic and I didn’t know where I was going with it until I started working on next week’s comic. I think I got better at this as the year went on, but clearly I need more structure and planning moving forward.
• Fun fact: this was not the one-year anniversary story arc I had initially planned almost a year ago. The original plan was that Peach would get captured and, in a fit of desperation, Dr. Felis recruits my wife and I to rescue her (I didn’t get too far beyond that in planning, but I do know that this moment was going to be used somehow). Sounds like a cool enough idea, right? The problem is...frankly, the anniversary started to sneak up on me. I also had the Year Two storyline roughly sketched out in my head (more on that in a bit), but knew it had been a while since anyone had actually seen the mysterious archer cat, who was a key figure in the Year Two plan. Having him show up as a Cattus ex Machina (oh yes, Latin humor...I went there) felt more natural and he helped inform where we’re headed with the new arc.
• Hey, know who totally wasn’t a part of the Year Two plan? Dark Peach. When I was writing the script, I had the alarms go off in C.A.T.FORCE and I basically got to learn what was going on as the characters did. As soon as I wrote the words “DARK PEACH,” I realized this was actually better than the original plan (fair warning: the original plan for Year Two involved threatening my mom to explain string theory to me. I think we all dodged a bullet on that one).

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on (and on) enough. It’s time for my weekly comic reviews! Standard warning applies, spoilers ahead.

• Flash Gordon: Zeitgeist #4
• All right, so we start the issue off with some rebels aiming to assassinate Klyltus (Ming’s right-hand man, who’s getting all buddy-buddy with Hitler) and Flash (AA-AAH! [sorry]) fighting a huge dragon thing with a catman. SERIOUSLY, THIS BOOK COULDN’T BE MORE AWESOME IF IT TRIED!
• As Klytus outlines the global assault Hitler’s army is enacting, we cut to Africa where there’s a SURPRISE CAMEO by The Phantom! Dude, comics are awesome! Although I do have to question the apparent retconning of Hitler as a sympathetic pawn in Ming’s machine. I’m sorry, I like my Hitlers as the equivalency of a Saturday morning cartoon villain, thank you.
• Aargh...right when Flash was gonna do something really cool and unite a prison ship into an army...Dynamite had to go and screw up the lettering by recycling  the entire page’s dialogue onto another page. Really distracting.
• So...I guess Flash got his army together. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the rebels seem to have caused a huge explosion. Fun.
• Snarked! #6
• Things start off at “crazy” with The Gryphon meeting up with his own version of Q, Professor Cube, who outfits him with a flying machine called the Twinkleba--err, Gryph-O-Plane.
• Team Snarked! (as I’m now officially calling Queen Scarlett, her brother, Wilburforce J. Walrus, etc...plus all them crazy folk on the ship) get attacked by another pirate ship helmed by the Mad Hatter (the Mad Hatter’s entire crew is a hoot, by the way, with dialogue like “don’t tell me about the Snark Wars, man. You weren’t there, man. You weren’t there!”).
• In the midst of the battle, Scarlett and the carpenter get caught. Walrus thinks fast and manages a rescue, but Team Snarked! wind up booted off the ship and reduced to a lifeboat for their troubles. All in all, an excellent issue.
• Aquaman #7
• This issue kicks off with the reveal of NEW 52 BLACK MANTA! He looks...y’know what? He looks like Black Manta. That’s really not a costume you can mess up. Anyway, he kills a lady in the jungle. This will be important.
• Aquaman and Mera (or, as the press is quick to name her, Aquawoman) take an Atlantian artifact to Dr. Shin for answers on who/what sunk Atlantis, but they’re interrupted by a jungle lady (Ya’Wara) with her pet cat, who tells Aquaman that “the Seer is dead.” She also wants to kill Dr. Shin because she thinks he was involved somehow.
• The issue ends with a cracked photo of what looks like a teenaged Aquaman with younger versions of the Seer and Ya’Wara, along with a bunch of other folks we haven’t seen yet.
• The Savage Hawkman #7
• Oh, soak this in, everyone...Rob Liefeld joins the creative team next month.
• Freaking Static shows up in this issue! It’s a weird team-up, but it works. Especially when Static’s able to disrupt the electronic impulses in the bodies of the zombie hordes looking to engulf New York thanks to Gentleman Ghost’s ritual with the Mortis Orb (by the way, I love that sentence).
• Gentleman Ghost gets defeated/dragged back to Hell by...the friggin’ warlock who the Mortis Orb was buried with. I’ll be honest, I did not see that one coming.
• Hawkman drops the Orb in a crevice in Antarctica, where I’m sure we’ll never hear from it again (alternatively, this may all be one elaborate prequel to The Thing).
• Justice League Dark #7
• Okay, first off, this is a crossover with I, Vampire, which I don’t read (go ahead, double-check the archives. I get more pageviews that way). I’d take issue with it, but vampires seem to make John Constantine cranky (what doesn’t?), and a cranky John Constantine is a funny John Constantine, so I’m going to allow it.
• Shade the Changing Man loses a few points in my book for reacting to vampires thusly: “...I mean, I kn-knew [vampires] existed as a cultural phenomenon on Earth. Bram Stoker. Twilight. But--”
• Seriously?! Batgirl shows up?! Okay, it makes sense since Vampire Armageddon is going down in Gotham (what doesn’t these days?), but it still feels...I don’t know. Forced? Random? Somewhere along those lines.
• Constantine and Deadman head into a gateway to the afterlife...I smell sitcom pilot!
• Teen Titans #7
• Hey, so...Danny the Street is part of the DCnU!
• The Titans break into N.O.W.H.E.R.E. to free Superboy and...yeah, things basically go from bad to worse for them as they battle through the nightmarish hordes of N.O.W.H.E.R.E. culminating in getting captured by some creepy creepy person in a cloak who claims to be the creator of N.O.W.H.E.R.E. and calls him(?)self Harvest.
• Superman #7
• Superman kicks off the issue fighting some...mech...thing? You can tell this is a seasoned, older Superman because his inner monologue mentions that this “stinks of a ‘call out.’ Kick up enough ruckus and see if Superman shows up.” Later he mentions that he should set up a web page so would-be villains could set up a fight in private. Gotta say, I can’t fault him for that kind of logic.
• We get to see S.T.A.R. Labs’ superhero clean-up crew, who take the mech thing in for study. I love these guys and would really like to see an issue from their perspective, because they lend a great “blue collar” sensibility to help ground a fantastic world with stuff like having one of them staring at a tablet and muttering “aww, fer th’ luvva...how’m I supposed to describe this thing in ten words or less?”
• We meet our new villain, Helspont, in his Himalayan hideaway as he monologues to absolutely nobody that he “[dispatches] a seeker to evaluate thralls [he] can cull from this world’s metahuman population.” This is a really specific monologue you’re giving to an audience of none, dude.
• Helspont (I’m going to have a really hard time taking that name seriously) has his mech thing attack Superman again and teleports Superman to him. He prattles on about how awesome he and his flaming-skull-for-a-head are before saying Superman should totally become his new intern to conquer the Earth, etc. Y’know, standard-issue supervillain stuff.
• Avenging Spider-Man #5
• We start in Avengers Mansion, where a bunch of the Avengers are reading one of Captain America’s old comics he drew during his scrawny Steve Rogers days in art school. To say it wasn’t his calling is...a bit of an understatement.
• I like Spider-Man’s take on the whole thing: “Do you know what this means? Cap’s a nerd” and “This is huge. I’ve got something in common with Captain America.” Totally the right way to handle this.
• Spider-Man turns an important Avengers mission into a misguided attempt to bond with Captain America’s inner geek. This results in Captain America...kinda-sorta blowing up at him, claiming he was saved from a life of being someone who could only draw adventures by being a soldier and having them instead.
• I really loved the ending, which had Steve and Peter mending fences, sitting in the...I guess Avengers rec room(?) and trying to develop a new comic book character. It’s a cute, soft character-driven ending that I really love this book for.
• The New Deadwardians #1 (of 8) - Suggested for Mature Readers
• This book takes place in an alternate-universe 2010 London where the population consists of vampires (the upper class) and zombies (the lower class). Our comic begins in the home of Mr. George Suttle, a vampire who hates the night because he keeps expecting sleep to come. A ruckus jostles him from his...lack of sleep and OH NOES! Zombies are...eating the maid. Yeah, this book earns its “mature” label pretty fast.
• The book ends on a crazy cliffhanger with the first murder in quite some time hitting the city. Mr. Suttle, the only homicide detective left, is at the scene and discovers that, not only is this a murder, it’s a murder of a vampire with “none of the three causes present: impalement of the heart, decapitation, [or] incineration.”

Well, that’s all for this week, kids. Thank you for sticking with me for a whole year of adventures. I’ll see you in a few weeks with the all-new Peach the Destroyer: Year Two!

Peach the Destroyer: Issue 049

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You didn't think we were gonna make it to the one-year anniversary without seeing my favorite character, did you? Heck, the only thing he's missing is humming his own theme music. I'll talk more about his return later. For now, hopefully your reaction is similar to Peach's now that the cavalry's shown up. Anyway, not much for me to say this week (I'm just happy this comic wasn't crazy depressing like last week's…ugh), so let's move right on to comic book reviews…

• Batgirl #7
• The Solicit: One dark, tragic night, The Joker shattered the life of Barbara Gordon in the landmark story BATMAN: THE KILLING JOKE. In this issue, see a side of that story that has never before been told, as Batgirl faces the demons of her past!
• Okay, I don't mean to speak ill of Alan Moore (far be it from me to disrespect a self-proclaimed warlock), but I was never all that crazy about The Killing Joke. Maybe it's because I finally read it after years of internet hype, but what I found was…kind of an anemic story. It was a good story, but it felt like there wasn't a whole lot of meat on its bones. So let's just say I was coming into this issue with an open mind.
• The issue starts with Batgirl getting drowned in the sewer by…some metahuman punk in what looks like a tuxedo and devil mask. By the way, the graffiti in this scene reads "CATWOMAN LOVES ME" and "DARK VENGEANCE." Seriously, does Batman vent his steam by tagging up the sewers in his spare time?
• I'm a big fan of Barbara's self-deprecating inner monologues in this book, but I think Gail Simone's struck gold with "dear diary in my head…tonight didn't go as I had hoped at all" after Tuxedo McDevil pulls the Batman disappearing act on her.
• In a flashback to earlier in the night, Batgirl calls on Black Canary for a sparring session and, with one page, I don't care about The Killing Joke, I would gladly read a whole issue of Black Canary saying stuff like "Are you Batgirl? Did some cheerleader steal her costume?"
• Black Canary gives Barbara some tough love and helps her come to her senses before sending Batgirl off on the mission we started the issue with.
• Batgirl unmasks the thugs she'd knocked out and…one of them was one of the Joker's thugs the night he shot her!
• Superboy #7
• The Solicit: Superboy's come back to N.O.W.H.E.R.E. with vengeance on his mind, but Rose Wilson is waiting for him. Right from the start, she was the one meant to bring him down when he went out of control--and this fight is going to be out of control!
• I know this issue's supposedly built around Superboy fighting Rose Wilson (the issue's titled "Untamed Rose," after all), but his assault on the rest of N.O.W.H.E.R.E. is downright hilarious, with dialogue like "I'm a little fuzzy on the concept of mercy. You must have forgotten to teach me about it" as he kicks a guy almost out of the frame.
• Superboy gets dosed by synthetic Kryptonite and straight-up run through with a sword.
• Oh, and the book teases a Rose Wilson/Wonder Girl brawl in two weeks in Teen Titans.
• The Ray #4 (of 4)
• The Solicit: The final conflict between The Ray and the evil maestro who has been behind all his woes comes to a conclusion. Lucien will need to take his powers to an all-new level to defeat the evil Director and his reality warping abilities.
• This was a very satisfying comic; it really delivered on every conceivable level and I really hope this isn't the last we see of The Ray (a…dude at the end seems to imply he might show up in Suicide Squad, but that book's outside my wheelhouse, so I'll just keep hoping he gets his own ongoing).
• Thief of Thieves #2
• The Solicit: Conrad Paulson has turned his back [on] his life as Redmond, international master criminal, in order to regain some semblance of the life he left behind. Will it be enough to reconcile with his wife? Save his son from the life? Or will it end up getting them all killed?
• Somehow, I managed to resist this last month, but now I can't stop reading this book using the cast of Leverage…someone please tell me I'm not the only one.
• This issue gives us copious backstory on Conrad's reasons for quitting…and reasons why "the life he left behind" will probably stay in his rear-view mirror. This book is honestly one of the best movies you're not reading right now. I'm calling it now: I'm expecting someone to swoop in and pick up the Thief of Thieves movie rights fast and hard.
• Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. #7
• The Solicit: The siege on S.H.A.D.E. City comes to a bloody conclusion, and it may mean the end of the Creature Commandos! With the Hub under Humanid control and Nina's evil monsters staging a coup, S.H.A.D.E. headquarters is in total disarray.
• This issue started off on a rough note for me because after an entire issue of the Humanids taking systematic control of S.H.A.D.E., Ray Palmer just now got around to having the revelation "has anyone else noticed there aren't any Humanids around?"
• I love that, when Frankenstein comes home to S.H.A.D.E. after a long day of monster huntin' to find his voice commands are being overridden, he just flat-out kicks the door down and mutters "I hate technology." This is why I'm 100% behind Frankenstein as a protagonist. He gets stuff done.
• Oh, and Brother Eye's behind the Humanid…virus or whatever. So I can blame this entire plot on the OMAC crossover. Thanks.
• When two of our Creature Commandos bust into the top-secret armory, I was kinda hoping for some Easter Eggs in the collection of "insane weaponry that defy logic," but alas, near as I can tell there aren't any
• I'm not positive, but I think Father Time gets the award for Best Line of the Night: "Ray Palmer's a badass and The Hub is secure. What's your status?"
• Ooh, and Frankenstein's son is unleashed upon the world…dude, next month sounds awesome already!
• The last two comics this week are rated M for Mature. I mention this because I like to view Peach the Destroyer as an all-ages community, so I just want to make sure everyone's aware of that fact before we proceed.
• Saucer Country
• The Solicit: Set in the hauntingly beautiful Southwest, SAUCER COUNTRY is a dark thriller that blends UFO lore and alien abduction with political intrigue. With the help of her quirky staff, Presidential hopeful Arcadia Alvarado must pursue the truth of her alleged alien abduction into danger, mystery and awe.
• So, seriously, politics and religion are two things you can always use to scare me off a conversation. However, throw in a dollop of UFO mythology in the middle of a run at the presidency and all of a sudden I'm interested.
• Okay, this book actually has a character say "the party of which I am a member?" In what editor's head do those words sound natural?! What's really annoying is, right after that awkward mouthful, the same character flat-out says "Republican." So why didn't you say that in the first place?!
• Arcadia has a lot of…let's say "buildup" to…y'know, the whole "alien" thing. In one scene, she has a dream that seems to have been brought on by watching too much Doctor Who, she's in a…let's call it weird museum where she's shown "space and time, seen from outside."
• After the nightmare, Arcadia's convinced herself that her ex-husband had abused her. She's about to let her inner circle in on it when, during her speech announcing she's running for president, it all clicks and she realizes it wasn't abuse, she was flat-out abducted by aliens and there's an invasion coming.
• This book was awesome! That is all.
• Saga #1
• The Solicit: Y: THE LAST MAN writer BRIAN K. VAUGHAN returns to comics with red-hot artist FIONA STAPLES for an all-new ONGOING SERIES! Star Wars-style action collides with Game of Thrones-esque drama in this original sci-fi/fantasy epic for mature readers, as new parents Marko and Alana risk everything to raise their child amidst a never-ending galactic war. The adventure begins in a spectacular DOUBLE-SIZED FIRST ISSUE!
• I liked this book (though, again, rating warning). It's a simple story in a complicated universe and…it kind of feels like Star Wars by way of Greek mythology, in a weird way. This was a good book, plus it's a double-sized first issue for $2.99! With no ads! Seriously, even if you don't like the book much, that's a heckuva value.

Well, that wraps things up for this week, everyone. I'll see you next week; same Peach time, same Peach channel!

Peach the Destroyer: Issue 048

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Umm…so yeah. I'm gonna say this: this arc is getting really dark for me. When I finish writing just about any of Claudius' dialogue, I take a step back, re-read it and think to myself "wow. What twisted little corner of my brain did this all flow out of?"

Hey, the other big deal with this comic is that this is the first time I managed to get the color to work! This entire arc, Claudius was supposed to have red eyes, but for some reason I could never get it to work when I'd get the web-ready version set up. This week, because the color was so important (due to…y'know, magic), I made sure it stuck.

Anyway…onwards to comic book reviews! And spoilers. Lots of spoilers.

• Green Arrow #7
• The Solicit: Green Arrow's gone looking for trouble, and he's found it--in triplicate! Three women who give new meaning to the term "drop dead gorgeous" have our hero outnumbered and outgunned. Collectively, they're called "Skylark," and they've been sent on a secret mission with Oliver Queen as its focus!
• Okay, I may have been biased against Ann Nocenti, the new writer for Green Arrow, ever since she made a few references to Ollie being 24 years old (can we say "massive continuity issues with Red Hood and the Outlaws," anyone?), but page 1 automatically threw me when Oliver Queen started a one-man pity party with dialogue like "I hate my life. Split in two, neither half free." This is dialogue I'd expect to hear out of Superboy "I'll kill you to death" Prime, not billionaire playboy Oliver Queen.
• Also, I'm not a fan of the artist. I know, in two bullet points I've just ragged on the two main points of the new creative team. It's not that Harvey Tolibao's bad, I just don't think he's suited for this book. Put him on something like Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E. or…heck, I'd be willing to try him out on a few issues of Swamp Thing (but just a few issues…I love what Yanick Paquette's doing too much to replace him full-time), but…I'm not too fond of how he's drawing Green Arrow (although, credit where credit is due, I did like his design work on Ollie's trick arrows…they actually come off as realistic and practical).
• Ollie meets Skylark (one name, three women…this could be a pronoun's nightmare) and they attack him to audition for a job. See, they're crazy for him and made a whole slew of new tech and want him to come to their Canadian lab to check it out. I'm pretty sure I've seen Craigslist ads that were less sketchy, but this is the same comic that started things off with "the Jersey Shore of supervillains," so I guess anything's fair game now.
• Okay, I take back some of my complaints about Tolibao. It seems like once he got that first splash page out of his system, his art started to tone down and even out. By about page 5 or 6 my nerd rage started mellowing out on the art.
• Well, I have good news: I finished the comic without wanting to set it ablaze (I'll leave that, as always, to Linkara, thank you). It's really weird, but I swear you can see this comic improving by the page. While I still have some slight issues with the new creative team, I'm interested to see if they can continue this upward trend.
• Swamp Thing #7
• The Solicit: Moss fills lungs. Leaves scrape across skin and wood against bone. A Swamp Thing is rising in The Green's hour of darkest need, but is Alec Holland a part of it or is he just bleeding out in a ditch? And as Alec falls, a horrible champion is taking the throne of the Bone Kingdom at Sethe's right hand!
• Okay, first off: dat cover. Seriously. I love everything about it. That looks like Swamp Thing is slowly replacing the chlorophyll in his blood with acid. And I love it.
• DC, you're killing me with putting ads on every other page here. Swamp Thing is a book all about having triply, crazy, 2-page spreads and you're harshing my mellow, man.
• Alec "Swamp Thing" Holland is dying, but is protected by the Parliament of Trees. Not that they're going to turn him into Swamp Thing or anything, no, they're dying too and want to make him suffer.
• Ultimately, through some powerhouse speechifying, Alec swamps out (I don't like it, but it's certainty a better alternative to "Alec things out") and I love it. After nearly seven issues, we finally get our titular character back! There's a solid page of build-up highlighting Alec's transformation, the entire time making you think "all right! I'm gonna turn the page and there's gonna be, like, a full-page image of Swamp Thing roaring back to life and it'll be awesome…" then you turn the page and it's a close-up of Swamp Thing's eye. And I love that. It's simple, but effective.
• For someone who's been waiting for Swamp Thing to show up in his own book, I could complain that this issue felt like a tease for next month's issue (Swampy ends the issue with "and now, Rot…I will show you war"), but this issue felt extremely satisfying.
• Justice League International #7
• The Solicit: With the Signal Men defeated and Earth saved from certain annihilation, the members of Justice League International expected to bask in glory and appreciation. Such is not the case as a new threat far more dangerous than anyone dared suspect emerges and attacks with dire results!
• Okay, that entire solicit is just lazy writing. I could've written this same solicit for DC last month without any knowledge of what's in this issue. I know because I still haven't read this issue yet and I already knew all of this.
• Things start out rough as the JLI deal with the aftermath of…y'know, exploding last month. Guy Gardner's Green Lantern ring and Booster Gold's forcefield protected them, but everyone else is in rough shape. Batman shows up ("watching from a rooftop across the street." Yeah, just admit it, Bruce. You wanna be on the team) to help Booster with rescue detail.
• A member of the JLI dies. It made me angry. Because I'm a nice guy, that's all I'm going to say about that because I want you to have your own little nerd rage moment(s) when you read this issue.
• I think Godiva puts things in perspective best: "A bomb? A simple freaking bomb? This isn't supposed to happen to people like us! We protect people!"
• I finally get confirmation that Skeets is still around in the DCnU. He's reduced to a wrist communicator, but hey, it's Skeets, everyone!
• This was a…deeply serious and somber issue. I knew some additions were being made to the roster, but I didn't know it was going to be at the cost of previously-established characters. Don't get me wrong, it's a good issue, just…know what you're getting into before you start.
• Stormwatch #7
• The Solicit: They've come to steal Earth's gravity! When a scientific experiment tears a hole in the barrier between dimensions, gravity miners from a forbidden universe invade our world. Can Stormwatch find a way to repel alien excavators?
• Seriously, it's 2012 and I just read a solicit that begins with "they've come to steal Earth's gravity!" How awesome is that?!
• This was a great issue, dealing with the messed-up parallel-dimension monsters of Chernobyl, which is the single greatest sentence I get to type today.
• Supurbia #1 (of 4)
• The Solicit: What goes down when the capes come off? Meet the Real Housewives of Earth's greatest super-team, the Meta Legion! It's the egos, the tantrums, and the betrayals of the super set. Find out what happens behind the masks as superhero families are faced with the sordid problems of everyday life - and then some! From rising star writer Grace Randolph (Marvel's Nation X, Her-oes) and hot new artist Russell Dauterman, this series takes the familiar super-team and turns it on its head with a scandalous, TMZ-fueled look at what it's like to live with a superhero!
• Oh, this is a silly parody of the Justice League. I'll say this: it's a good book, but I'm glad it's a miniseries since I'm afraid the jokes would wear thin if it had been turned into an ill-advised ongoing title.
• Lone Ranger #3
• The Solicit: The "Hard Country" arc continues with its first multi-issue story. The Lone Ranger is pitted against a new enemy who hides behind the symbol Lone Ranger holds most dear: a Marshal's badge. Tasked by a federal agent to stop a murderous gang of train robbers, Lone Ranger and Tonto find themselves ambushed and betrayed. The hard country that is the old west just got harder for its two greatest heroes.
• If you hate this book, you hate America. There. I said it.
• Captain Victory #4
• The Solicit: When Captain Victory brings a mysterious wounded woman on board the Dreadnaught Tiger, it's up to the mysterious amphibious Orca to discover just what happened to her! As he trawls through black waters of the planet Dok searching for clues, however, Orca's memories begin to surface. Will his past catch up to him just in time to drag him down? Or will Victory lose another crew member in a tragic accident?
• As good as this issue was (note: very), what with its introduction to the Kirby: Genesis analogue to Aquaman 'n all, I'm looking forward to next month's issue where, as this issue teases, "shadow people get hurt. A lot."
• Toy Story # 1 (of 4)
• The Solicit: All-New Four Issue Mini Series! New Adventures Featuring Woody, Buzz Lightyear And More! Andy's New Puppy, Buster, Loves To Play With The Toys - But If Woody, Buzz And The Gang Can't Control The Playful Pooch, All That Chewing And Shaking Will Damage Them For Sure!
• I wanted to love this comic because…dude, Toy Story. And it's not bad, but some of the dialogue's a little off. And I do mean a little; usually it comes down to a word or two in a line that makes it feel less like a Toy Story comic and more like illustrated Toy Story fan fiction. This book is almost there and that deserves a look, but hopefully things will improve in issue 2.
• Action Comics #7
• The Solicit: Metropolis has been captured! To save it, Superman must push the limits of his nascent powers as never before! Aboard the ship that has the city captive, The Man of Steel finds an important tool that may help him defeat Metal-zero and his boss!And as Superman fights foes in the sky, Steel must do what he can to protect those still in danger on the ground in a backup story by Sholly Fisch and Brad Walker!
• First thing's first: a long overdue welcome back to Action Comics artist Rags Morales! You were very (very) sorely missed!
• After two issues of…something that wasn't the main plot, we finally get back to our young Superman who's…wait, what's that, Clark? "…I can still see the alien spaceship with my zoom vision." Really, Clark? That's what you're going with? Zoom vision? Not super-vision or telescopic vision or…anything that sounds more dignified than "zoom vision?" Even General Lane thinks that's lame…and I never thought I'd actually side with General Lane (in my defense, the man did voice Darkseid, so I have every reason in the world not to trust him)
• Umm…Clark literally runs up to the spaceship. I like that the soles of his boots rip (ten seasons of Smallville and we never got a shoe rip!) and that he had the foresight to have an oxygen tank, but…no suit? Of any kind? Your arms are friggin' BARE in SPACE. How did that sound like a good idea?
• We get to hear Brainiac exposit about his origins. He moves from planet to planet amassing knowledge. On Krypton he was called Brainiac 1.0 and on Earth…he's known as the Internet. Think about that for a second…what percentage of Brainiac is now made up of cat pictures?
• Well, it was fun while it lasted, but I guess Clark done got his super-suit…oh, it also looks like he gonna be fighting Brainiac next month.
• We also get a nice, human-interest-style backup story as Steel tries to fight the good fight on Earth as Superman yells at Brainiac.

Well, that's (finally) all for this week. I'll see you next week as we start barreling towards the conclusion of my first year of webcomics!

Peach the Destroyer: Issue 046

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What's this? Peach? Appearing in the comic that bears her name?! Whoda thunk it?! Anyway, I'm excited about this week's comic for two incredibly geeky reasons: 1- I'm probably the only webcomic you've read all week that namedropped a Faraday cage and 2- I got to have someone say (a variation of) "It's magic. I don't have to explain it." So yeah, this is a big week for me. Let's celebrate with my weekly comic reviews, shall we?


WARNING: HERE BE SPOILERS!


I'm trying something different this week: I put the solicit for each issue in with my review. This way, you get some idea of the plot in case I forgot to mention it.

• Aquaman #6
• The Solicit: Who sank Atlantis? Mera, the beautiful Atlantean assassin trained in the Bermuda Triangle, follows a trail of death and deceit to the one man who knows the ugly truth. But what does he want in return for his secrets--and how does it all tie into Mera's own dark past?
• We start with a flashback to...I guess Mera’s assassin training, where she proclaims “Aquaman will die!” This was a pretty big revelation to me considering...well, I’ll be honest, I don’t know a whole lot about Mera, so pretty much anything would’ve been a big revelation to me.
• Trouble comes up when Creepy McGropey tries to cop a feel with Mera in the grocery store and she does the only logical thing she can think of...break his arm. This goes exactly as you’d expect and the crowd turns on her pretty quickly.
• ...and then things get really crazy as Mera starts waterbending like crazy and throwing a royal hissy fit.
• “Aquawoman? Hahaha! You’re scared of Aquawoman, Randy?” I love this comic. I love it good.
• Okay, I’m not going to spoil it for you here, but there’s one scene in particular that will make you walk away with newfound respect for Mera and her powers.
• We learn Mera’s from a colony separate from Atlantis and, by refusing to assassinate Aquaman, she’s cut off from her people.
• The solicit, surprisingly, is kinda true...in its own twisted way. At the end of the issue, Mera returns home and meets up with Aquaman, who says they’re off to see Dr. Stephen Shin, who’s going to tell them who sank Atlantis.
• The Savage Hawkman #6
• The Solicit: Hawkman comes face to face with Jim Craddock, a.k.a. the Gentleman Ghost, a malevolent spirit obsessed with finding an ancient relic called the Mortis Orb. Can Hawkman stop Craddock from using the power of the Orb to unleash hell on Earth?
• That solicit basically covers the first page of this issue. It really makes me wonder how much the writer of that thing had to work with.
• Hey, New 52 Gentleman Ghost has a head, with a face ‘n everything! Granted, we only see it on one page and he keeps to the shadows because the “floating monocol and a tophat” look’s too iconic to ignore, but still.
• So Hawkman goes and finds the Mortis Orb in a cemetery, causing a bunch of corpses to rise up and attack him because...hey, zombies.
• Gentleman Ghost plans to use the Orb to restore his life, triggering a Zombie Apocalypse as a byproduct. The issue ends with the tease “Hawkman battles an army of the dead!” so...yeah. There’s that.
• Justice League Dark #6
• The Solicit: Enchantress has been subdued, but this team of misfits hardly knows how to celebrate when each is still wrestling with their own demons. While Zatanna and Constantine try to decide on their next steps, Deadman deals with his loss, and Shade the Changing Man tries to bring Mindwarp back from the edge of sanity.
• Madame Xanadu tries to get the Justice League Dark team together in a more...traditional manner. Namely the old “tell x people they have a one-on-one meeting with me and let wacky sitcom hijinks ensue!”
• I think with this new, slightly more traditional, take on Justice League Dark will be good for it. Sure, the team’s disgruntled, bitter, and will go through more growing pains than if Justice League International were comprised of nothing but a batch of Guy Gardner and Booster Gold clones, but that’s half the fun! I’m excited for this book now!
• I’m not, however, excited that this book is crossing over with I, Vampire. That’s one of those DC books I’m happy to pretend don’t actually exist.
• The Fury of Firestorm #6
• The Solicit: In the blink of an eye, Ronnie and Jason witness a horror so gruesome, the two young Firestorms will question their entire futures as superheroes. As if that wasn't enough, Pozhar, the Russian Firestorm, shows the two boys exactly how dangerous their world has become.
• ...okay, so...first four pages have our Firestorms dealing with 2000 people dying. Let that sink in because that’s probably the single most messed-up sentence I’ll type tonight.
• Actually, the whole issue’s about dealing with that event. Pozhar drops in and goads them and, after Ronnie and Jason beat each other up, Ronnie runs off to settle the score with Pozhar and Jason’s on the run from the law. It’s an action-heavy issue that feels like the prologue to a much darker story.
• Superman #6
• The Solicit: Recently, an onslaught of creatures has targeted Superman, nearly destroying Metropolis in the process. And now...Superman is helping them finish the job?! Guest-starring Supergirl!
• So...this issue wraps up George Perez’ run on the title. A lot of this feels like an epilogue and...I think Supergirl’s appearance may have been a little unnecessary (was the world really clamoring for a scene where Superman beat Supergirl to a pulp?). Everything kinda goes where you expect it to...fake Superman beats on Supergirl, real Superman beats on fake Superman, real Superman tosses fake Superman’s bits ‘n pieces into the sun. Y’know, same old same old.
• I know I keep harping on it, but a lot of this story feels reminiscent of Superman’s story in Wednesday Comics. And, now that it’s completed, I think I can safely say I actually like this story a bit more (bear in mind, it’s been a good year or so since I read my copy of Wednesday Comics). All the loose plot threads tie up nicely (maybe a bit too nicely since Perez is off the title), leaving us with a (mostly) fresh slate for the new creative team to take over next month.
• Teen Titans #6
• The Solicit: In the aftermath of their battle with Superboy, the Teen Titans make a horrifying discovery: Kid Flash has been knocked out of synch! If they are going to save their teammate, the badly beaten and battered teens need to sneak into the New York branch of S.T.A.R. Labs.
• Our first page has Kid Flash debating grammar (sorry, I really couldn’t pass up an excuse to use that link).
• In the aftermath of the Teen Titans/Superboy superbrawl, the Titans have to run from the police and help Bart Allen with his power issues (wow...I just realized I basically re-wrote part of the solicit. Sorry).
• I’m very pleased to see the appearance of Virgil Hawkins/Static in this comic...especially considering the public fallout that happened regarding the behind-the-scenes goings-on that lead to his own book’s cancellation.
• Oh, and we also meet the very annoying Grymm. I can tell he’s annoying because he has a messed-up jagged mouth, no lips, and it’s impossible for you to figure out how he talks. Also, he uses the same joke twice in one page.
• Going back to Virgil, I like his characterization in this issue. Bear in mind, I’m not too familiar with him outside of the cartoon, so seeing him running around like a Time Lord genius is pretty awesome.
• Oh, Kid Flash gets a new costume to save his life.
• The Ray #3 (of 4)
• The Solicit: Lucien can rescue Chanti from the clutches of the Isopods, but can he save his relationship with her? More important, can he save her family from the evil Director, who wants to destroy everything for his art?
• The Ray battles a TRON villain. I wish I got to type sentences like that more often, because that’s awesome. Seriously, this guy needs his own ongoing series. Need more? Here’s his origin story, in his own words: “Was it crazy to be reborn from a hundred yards of thirty-five millimeter film that was bathed in a Lazarus Pit?” How did anyone think a character this rich would only work in a miniseries?!
• Anyway, TRON guy wants The Ray to be the star of his movie. It’s a whole thing.

Well, that wraps things up for this week. I'll see you same time next week for more crazy Peach the Destroyer action!

Peach the Destroyer: Issue 043

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Not much to say about this week's issue, sorry. The device in panels 3 and 4 is supposed to be based off the "blinky light units" from the Stargate franchise.

And now...comic reviews! Warning: I discuss spoilers, so...consider yourselves warned.

Green Arrow #6

• Oh, DC, you know just how to tease me. First the cover to Justice League #8 gets released, now you have Ollie reminiscing about meeting Aquaman? I can’t wait!
• We learn Green Arrow has bio-scanners built into his goggles, which I guess is as good an excuse as any for him not rocking the classic domino mask. Still no explanation why the only facial hair he’s ever shown with is a perpetual 5 o’clock shadow, however.
• We also learn Blood Rose is a robot. Honestly, did not see that one coming.
• Something about Green Arrow’s final confrontation at Midas/Blood Rose’s hideout felt really strong. Ollie got some good quips in and came off as smart and resourceful and I even found myself lamenting the fact that these characters look like they won’t be appearing in further Green Arrow adventures. The additional kick to the teeth is the fact that this is the final issue written by Keith Giffen, meaning we’re losing a writer as soon as, I feel, he’s found the character’s voice.
• In the end, Ollie takes a moment to savor his victory over the Seattle skyline. He kicks back and...pops open a beer. This beer happens to be in a long, golden can, which looks suspiciously similar to the long, golden canisters Green Arrow carries on his hip. It’s official: Green Arrow is the new Iron Man.

Action Comics #6

• Hey, kids, remember how last month I lamented not knowing what was going on? This issue has the slight problem of assuming I understood last month’s issue, so the resulting effect is similar to walking into the middle of a movie.
• So, anyway, we meet some midget dealer in alien tech, who had the Anti-Superman Army (which seems to consist of a trio of kryptonite-powered punks called The K-Men, a mummy, and a robot cowboy) steal the kryptonite engine of Superman’s childhood spaceship. It’s explained that all colors of kryptonite will be grown from this one engine, which I like as an explanation much better than, say, a meteor shower.
• Superman of the future shows up to save the jeans-’n-boots wearin’ Superman of the past, along with an older version of the Legion of Superheroes! Also, Superman gets to punch a T-rex.
• Aww, man. We get flashbacks to young Clark with Pa Kent and...it really makes me hate that the Kents are dead in-continuity. Who’s going to be Clark’s sounding board for...y’know, superhero stuff?
• “COME AND DIE INSIDE YOUR HERO’S BRAIN, YOU FOPS!” Dang. Mummies are intense.
• I liked this issue (surely it was leaps and bounds above last month’s headscratcher), but what really makes it shine is the backup story “Last Day,” which has Clark ready to leave for college and reminiscing on his farmboy memories before handing the farm over to a family friend.

Swamp Thing #6

• Swamp Thing continues its run as unlikeliest good book of the New 52...even with a new artist who’s trying in vain to reproduce the bizarre, organic panel structure of his predecessors. I’m sorry, Marco Rudy, but you need to either commit to a 2-page spread of cracked-out weirdness or just stick with a conventional panel layout. Also, you don’t draw the creepy kid creepy enough.
• We learn Abby (Alec’s gal pal for most of the previous 5 issues) is the evil version of Alec; serving “the Rot” instead of “the Green.”
• Alec pulls his best Terminator 2 impression, fleeing from the Rot on Abby’s motorcycle and USING A FRIGGIN’ SHOTGUN TO KILL SOME EVIL LACKEYS! Seriously, who thought we’d see the day when Swamp Thing would get to use a shotgun?!
• Um...I guess Alec Holland’s dead now. Tune in next month for the adventures of some new guy being Swamp Thing, I guess.
• Realistically, we wouldn’t be killing off the title character in issue #6 of a book that’s not even being cancelled. Conversely, kinda hard to walk a “chainsaw-to-the-chest wound” off.

Stormwatch #6

• I’m sorry, Stormwatch is always a solid book, I just usually don’t have much to say about it other than “this issue was good.”
• With their headquarters falling to pieces, Jack communicates with the “soul” of the “city” that is their space station. This turns out to be an alien artificial intelligence that regards Stormwatch as invading parasites. I kinda like Jack, so seeing his attempts to barter a way out of the ship’s destruction was a clever way out for the team.
• Martian Manhunter tosses in a quick retcon saying he’s actually never attempted to join the Justice League. Are you sure? Because that’s not what you said back in issue #1...
• ...and some blatant setup for the next storyline. I’ll say this about DC, they know how to keep you coming back.

Lone Ranger #2

• I like to imagine the Lone Ranger stories as being old pulp comics from a bygone era. At least that’s my excuse for text boxes with stuff like “translated from Native American tribal language” in them...
• There is an adorable scene of the Lone Ranger and Tonto meeting up with some little fanboy kids. It’s chock full of great dialogue like:

“Where’s Silver? Is he really ten feet tall?” 

“Ten? No...I don’t think so. He’d be pretty hard to mount.”

• Tonto makes it real easy to like him in just a few sentences. At one point he waxes philosophical about white man’s illusion of control over the west and, frankly, it’s hard to argue with him.
• This issue feels a bit more melancholy than the previous one, with the Lone Ranger coming face-to-face with a childhood hero. It’s a quieter issue than last month’s, but I don’t mind. It tells the story it set out to in a rather eloquent way and shows the Ranger has some sharp wits about him to solve seemingly impossible problems.

Kirby: Genesis - Captain Victory #3

• This was another solid entry in the Kirby: Genesis family that, frankly, you should be reading if you love comics.

Justice League International #6

• Batman basically makes a cameo appearance to pep talk Booster Gold into continuing the JLI with or without the UN’s involvement.
• In a “down time” moment, August General in Iron learns about the beauty of hotdogs. Poor guy, never had a hotdog before...
• August General in Iron also does his best Thing impression and clobbers an evil van. Have I mentioned he’s one of my favorite characters in this team?
• Oh, and the JLI exploded at the end. Couple this with Swamp Thing and DC had themselves a sick little week this week, didn’t they?

That's all for this week. Tune in next week for more drama, more comics, and more Peach the Destroyer!

Peach the Destroyer: Issue 041

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Hey, guys! So...new comic today, attempting to pull off a nostalgic, sepia-tinted look. Technically I guess this might make today's update our first full-color comic.

Before we get to the weekly comic reviews, some late news (from January 12! How did I miss this?!). DC's announced the first books of the New 52 that are getting cancelled, along with the six new books that will replace them, so adjust your pull lists accordingly. With that out of the way, we now resume our regularly scheduled and spoiler-laden programming...

Snarked #4

• Many compliments to writer/artist Roger Langridge, whose deft work with words is, frankly, unlike any other. All of his caption boxes are in rhyme and he makes it all flow so perfectly!
• "Two-year-olds are like a collection of minor traumas strung together by snot and tears." Have I mentioned I love the writing in this book? I hope it runs for years.
• - Speaking of my hopes that this book runs for years, there are tons of great throwaway references to things like "the great escape of '42" or "the oyster riots of '29" that, in the span of a few words, conjure up fantastic images that I'm sure would make for great spin-off miniseries fodder.
• But enough vague talks about how great this book is (and it is. Go. Buy it. Now), what actually happens this issue? Well, our intrepid walrus, carpenter, and royal children are holed up William Lizard's house, having evaded the evil Gryphon and misinformed royal guards. William makes the guards suspicious, so they have to hatch another brilliant plan to sneak out to the ship they chartered in last month's issue. Wackiness and beautiful wordplay ensue!

Kirby: Genesis - Dragonsbane #1

• First thing's first: the cover is a lie. Dragonsbane does not show up in modern times (yet). Just fair warning.
• Fortunately for me, I just so happened to watch Kenneth Branagh's commentary to Thor earlier on Wednesday, so I was in just the right mindset to read a book steeped in Norse mythology.
• Something I have to say about the entire Kirby: Genesis line is that, in an era where everyone wants to be gritty and realistic, every character in the Genesis universe just looks like an expensive Crayola box threw up on them. And I mean that in a good way.
• Dragonsbane brings a really cool idea to the table: that all of the myths of old have been converged into one "mythland." When our Norse heroes ride off into the mists, they first find themselves in the myths of ancient Egypt, and then into the Greek parthanon, where they have a run-in with Circe. I'll let you figure out how well that goes, but those of you who are up on your mythology can probably figure it out.

Wonder Woman #5

• See that segue I did there?
• Circe doesn't show up, but we do get to meet DC's version of Poseidon, who looks creatively non-humanoid.
• There's a biblical power struggle going down on Mt. Olympus in the wake of Zeus abdicating the throne, which is sort of reminiscent of the absentee God in Supernatural. So…I guess what I'm saying is this could go either way.

Supergirl #5

• Kara flies off to Krypton and finds the city of Argo. Unlike in some versions of DC lore, it's not a bottle city protected by Brainiac, but is instead a free-floating astroid in some sort of forcefield. And it's abandoned.
• In these abandoned ruins, Kara finds Reign, a superpowered vilainess who apparently imported her logic-defyingly-shaped sword from Japan
• Reign's big reveal is that the disconcertingly overpowerful devices known as "worldkillers" on Krypton weren't devices, but living beings. How does she know this? Because…she is one!

Birds of Prey #5

• I was questioning Poison Ivy being an apparent regular in this comic, but…know what? She brings this great dry humor to the book that makes for a great change of pace.
• Ow... painful typo on page 14: "I don't get it. You need an abili for something, or are you just--" (note: the comic even has it in bold. Shame on you, Bobbie Chase [editor] and Katie Kubert [assistant editor])
• This issue really ratcheted up the paranoia to 11, with Starling thinking she's been set up by the team (but it's really...well, I'm not going to ruin it for you). After a few shaky issues, it feels like this book might be hitting its stride.

That's all for this week, kids. Be sure to come back next week for more twists, turns, and surprises!

Peach the Destroyer: Issue 040

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Hey, guys! For a change of pace, I'm really proud of this week's comic. This is the kind of big reveal I've been threatening for weeks and, for once, I actually revealed something! Believe me, as excited as you guys are (you...are excited, right?), I'm even...excited-er!

Anyway, with no further ado, here are this week's comic reviews (warning: SPOILERS, especially for Batgirl, The Ray, and Superboy, so if you follow any of those three, feel free to skip my review).

Stormwatch #5

• I swear, Stormwatch is one of those comics that's just laughably absurd because…hey, comics! Someone gets to say "the data I got from the moon." Data. From the moon. That's at least a little bit awesome.
• Speaking of the moon, remember how I said last month's issue marked the end of the Stormwatch vs. The Moon story arc? Well, I…guess technically that phase of the story's over, but this is still listed as "The Dark Side: Part 5."
• Also, Stormwatch gets an emergency visit from a member of The Shadow Cabinet (the Stormwatch team's bosses) to elect a new boss on the team. This results in some good comedy moments of him rattling off different characters' traits or deep dark secrets.
• Overall, I think this may have been the best issue of Stormwatch yet. The story felt well-balanced and moved at a fast clip (as opposed to some issues that, I felt, sort of dragged).

The Lone Ranger #1

• For the record, this is about as much knowledge of the Lone Ranger I had going into this. 
• "It's a good day…to see some justice done." Ohh…that's good comic.
• I'll be honest…I wasn't expecting much from this comic. What I got was a surprisingly moving story from the perspective of Jurgens, a farmer in the Old West whose family is in need of some justice. I would highly recommend you seek this book out and I can only hope the rest of this arc is as good as this first issue.

Batgirl #5

• A new conspiracy comes to Gotham with a crime family muttering on about "338" and we briefly see a new mystery woman named Gretel who can handle herself in a fight.
• We also flash back to see Barbara's less-than-touching reunion with her mom, picking up from the last issue's cliffhanger. Maybe it's because we started with the whole "338" plot, but I wasn't too sold on Barbara's mother. I guess we'll have to see how she's developed in future issues, so I'm going to hold off on passing judgment here.
• The Occupy movement comes to Gotham with the awesome protest slogan "NO WAYNE, NO HOW!" in response to Bruce Wayne's downtown urban renewal project. Whoever came up with the "NO WAYNE, NO HOW" slogan deserves a raise.
• Oh, look. Bruce Wayne drank the magic 338 Kool-Aid, too. Considering they tease a team-up with Batman next issue, I'm assuming he'll be able to shake it pretty quick.

The Ray #2 of 4

• I love the loose, easygoing narration in The Ray. I'm secretly hoping that this is selling well enough to earn an ongoing series in DC's upcoming announcements of new books.
• Lucian finds a brave new way to have relationship drama in comic books…he uses his light-based superpowers to BECOME INDIAN to impress his girlfriend's traditional Indian parents. Somehow he forgot to run this by her (conflict!) and she chews him out. Her father glares at him through the window.
• Another really great thing about this series is that all of the monsters have been weird, giant sea creatures. I'm expecting either an Aquaman team-up or the giant squid that was missing from the Watchmen movie.
• And, in true superhero fashion, his girlfriend gets kidnapped. DC needs to make this an ongoing STAT because they have their very own Spider-Man right here.

Frankenstein: Agent of S.H.A.D.E. #5

• Since I don't follow Dan Didio's O.M.A.C. book, I went in assuming that I had missed the first part of this comic. So opening it up and seeing "Current Mission: stopping a race of Man-eating Mountain Dwarfs" just makes me smile and say "oh, comics."
• Dude. As Frankenstein's threatening the dwarfs, he just casually mentions that his sword is the sword of the Archangel Michael. THAT IS AWESOME (I also thank DC for having a more literal interpretation of the Michael sword than Supernatural did back in season 5, but that just brings up bad memories, so I'll be moving on).
• Frankenstein called O.M.A.C. "boy" like he was about to tell him to go out back and pick out a switch. That was out of nowhere and I love it!
• This issue really didn't do O.M.A.C. any favors…he kind of comes off as a third-rate Hulk knock-off in this book and it didn't really fill me with any desire to read more about the character.
• Also…minor nitpick/possible art failure: O.M.A.C. teleports off with Frankenstein's left arm right as he's trying to decapitate O.M.A.C. with his sword, held in his right arm. After the teleportation, we never see the sword again. Did O.M.A.C. steal it? Did Frankenstein drop it to clutch his arm stump? What happened?! THESE ARE THE UNANSWERED QUESTIONS, DC!

Superboy #5

• Superboy remains a solid book, but my problems with it stem from a continuity standpoint: this issue precedes Teen Titans #5 and, if these kind of muck-ups continue, they're bound to make my head hurt.
• We also get some oblique references to "Culling Day," including a creepy creepy farm couple who feel like those country people you see in TV shows who kidnap and hunt people for sport (if you watch your genre television, you've seen these people before. I always hate them).

Batman: The Brave And The Bold #15

• I don't usually read this book, but I was a fan of the cartoon and, hey, this issue has Mister Miracle in it (I'm kind of a sucker for Mister Miracle).
• This issue mixed some of Mister Miracle's best assets (Mother Box, Jack Kirby's Fourth World, and impossible escapes) with some of Batman's traits (namely villains trapping him in a dream state…the premise for two Batman: The Animated Series episodes if memory serves).

That's all for this week, kids. Come back next week for the beginning of the EPIC FLASHBACK!